Tasso takes the mike at the Acropolis Comedy Club.
Tasso: But seriously, folks... Did you hear about the British Empiricist who told his wife she was nothing but a collection of sense data? "Oh yeah?" she said. "How do you think it feels going to bed every night wiht a man who's got no ding an sich?" I'm not kidding, I was married for ten years before I realized that my wife was all existence and no essence. I mean her esse really was percipi. What'sa matter folks? It's so quiet in here, you call hear a tree fall in the forest... even if you weren't there! Schopenhauer said there would be nights like this. Kids today, huh? The other day my sone asked me for the keys to the car, and I said, "Son, in the best of all possible worlds you'd have your own car." And he said, "But, Pop, this isn't the best of all possible worlds." And I said, "So go live with yoru mother!" By the way, a funny thing happened on my way over here tonight: I stepped in the same river... twice! Hey, the other day Plato and a platypus walked into a bar. The bartender gave the philosopher a quizzical look, and Plato said, "What can I say? She looked better in the cave."